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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  April 26, 2013 1:00am-1:31am PDT

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i assume that was the olympics. [laughter] alright, now it's time for comedy central's favorite part of the show. the plugs. my new stand-up special "happy thoughts" premieres march 6th. be sure you follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the shows. and keep up with our daily blog over at and feel free to submit your own videos. and finally, last week i asked my sexiest twitter followers to send me videos of them burping. i don't know why we're doing this, but we do have 30 episodes to fill this year, so suck it. [laughter] [burping] [burping]
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[burping] >> bye-bye! [applause] from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ). captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart. here's our show tonight. vali nasr will be joining us. author vali nasr will be joining us. but first tonight, if i may, he's baaacd.
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>> president george w. bush steps back into the spotlight for the first time in a long time to dedicate his presidential library. >> jon: ha-ha- stay cool, johnny, boy. stay cool. ( laughter ) because it's the opening ser mope of the bush library. it's been four and a half years since we've seen president bush. i imagine like most expresident he's devoting himself to public service. 88-year-old jimmy carter literally pulling the last remaining guinea worms out of poor children's feet with his hands. look, what's-- what's president bush been up to? >> >> i paint two or three hours a day. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ). >> jon: sometimes it'st seems only a gallon of paint, drown out the screams of those
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i've wronged. ( laughter ) plus, sometimes they let you use your fingers. ( laughter ) >> i could lay out 20 of the paintings, and you might like one. >> yeah. >> and somebody else would like another. >> but are you getting better is the question? >> i think so. but, you know, it's all in the eyes of the beholder. >> jon: sure, so, in other words, art history will be the judge. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but i love presidential libraries. you know, what are we going to find in this one? >> the george w. bush presidential library and museum sits on 23 acres of the southern methodist university campus. inside the complex, a treasure trove of more than 43,000 artifacts from the bush presidency. ( laughter ) >> jon: basically the hard rock cafe of catastrophic policy decisions. ( laughter ) now, i guess this is-- as good a time for bush to open up a library as any time. >> as time passes and passions cool, mr. bush has froan more
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popular. >> a perfect example for george w. bush is his father george herbert walker bush, who looks far better 20 years after leaving office. >> jon: right. ( laughter ). because he's being compared to george w. that's why he looks better. i'm sure-- listen f-1 of g.w.'s kids becomes president in 2032 and somehow for snow reason invades the moon, i'm sure we'll look back at w and go he wasn't so bad. a lot less moon deaths in his presidency. any library will have to grapple with the decision made by this president-- iraq, katrina, the financial crise. >> visitors can go and they can get actual advice from the real advisers to president bush, and it allows visitors to make decisions like president bush did. one of the key parts of this museum is what's called the
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decision point theater. it's an interactive exhibit. >> jon: yeah, i guess that's better than its original title-- "disasterpiece theatre." for more, we go live to almadrigal who just finished his tour of the george w. bush presidential library. al, you finished the tour-- wait, what is that in your hand? >> george w. bush stake on a stick, jon. steak on a ( bleep ) stick. this is literally the greatest library ever. the exhibits, state-of-the-art. the architecture is simple yet elegant. i used the bathroom. i don't think it had ever been touched before. way in the bark so quiet, so clean. >> jon: all right, al, let's not-- >> it was like taking a dump in a brand new cadillac. >> jon: all right. ( laughter ) it's nice when you find those spots. >> after-- after a couple of these bad boys i had a little shock and awe of my own. >> jon: all right, listen, can we-- can we talk about the
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museum? >> yup. it's incredible. decision points theater, amazing. i aced it by the way. invaed iraq? yes. rescue new orleans? no. bail out wall street? pass the checkbook. >> jon: al, why, knowing what we know now, did you choose "yes" on invading iraq. >> the choices were a., leave a mad man in power who will destroy western civilization. or b., be a little bitch. >> jon: what? ( laughter ) >> hard to choose b there, jon. >> gl just out of curiosity, could you choose b. what if you had chosen not to invade? >> a video of george w. bush comes up and tells you that you made the wrong decision. ( laughter ) >> jon: you're making that up, right? >> no, no, no, that's actually what happened at the george w. bush museum. ( laughter ). for real.
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>> jon: so what else is in the theater? >> it's mostly gristle. >> jon: we'll work on that next time. sorry about that. >> thank you. ( laughter ) >> take your time. listen, i don't know the heimlich. not that you're here, i'm just saying if you were here, i don't know the heimlich. i can't send anybody to wherever it is that you are that we would send somebody if you chocked on the steak where are you clearly-- just ( bleep ) go. just go. ( laughter ) >> well, jon, you remember that time he groped angela merkel at the g-8 summit. >> jon: george, i remember that? >> that was a big embarrassment, right? >> jon: yes. >> it turns out if you comiewz not to do that, angela merkel has a fatal panic attack and dies. >> jon: so the-- sheidize from a panic attack. does that even happen? is that even a thing? >> tell that to the game, jon.
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panic attacks are fatal for german ladies, and the only way is to show them how we relax in "hey girl." there's a decision points room at the clinton presidential library gli didn't know that. >> well, actually, it's just a crotch-level hole in the wall. ( laughter ) >> jon: so then you-- you decide whether or not to... to put your-- >> yeah, exactly. and i have to admit-- i get it now. >> jon: all right, thank you very much, al. we really appreciate you being here. ( cheers and applause ). yj
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we continue tonight our series from australia. john oliver learned that following a mass shooting in straul, the country introduced gun control, and it worked. so how can america take this valuable lesson and ignore it? john oliver finds out in this, our final installment. >> previously i went to straul when i learned in 1996 their government enacted sweeping gun control laws. the result-- reduced gun violence and zero mass
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shootings. so are there any lessons for america here? virginia gun advocate has a clear answer. >> we're not australia. it's a very different culture, different people, different everything. >> there's no similarity with australia. australia is a former british colony with a world frontier that was tamed by brave men who also wiped out almost an entire indigenous population, and we are? not similar to that, right? >> right. >> right. because unlike australia, we americans know when the guns are taken away, tyranny inevitably follows. >> the founding fathers knew that governments tend to grow beyond their means. in america, we're stepping in the direction of a police state. >> is that really happening, phillip, or is that some kind of crazy paranoia? >> we have police. they're now wearing ninja suits if you will. you don't even know they're
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police necessarily. they have the black masks on and everything. >> it isn't crazy paranoia. you're frightened about ninja police. >> ninja police, yes. >> yeah, ninja police. >> yes. >> sadly without access to semiautomatic firearms, australlians wouldn't be a thing about real freedom. >> bloody earth is for free. we're sitting here doing whatever we want. everybody is just hanging out and having a good time. >> people don't have the same concerns any more about getting gunned down when they're in a tourist resort. >> but what was that worth it? >> yes. >> was it worth giving up your fundamental freedoms just to not get shot in a gun massacre? >> what the ( bleep ) are you talking about? >> australians must now live in this well-regulated nightmare because of ex-politicians like rob who smuggling thinks his country has something to teach us. >> i hope that they would have a look at what has happened here. >> why would people want to live like this?
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>> because they might want a safer societia to live in. >> but it's pointless for us to study the australian experience because their fear of gun control back then has no parallels with ours. what kind of things were you hearing when you suggest gun control? >> that government was becoming a dictatorship. >> that's one. >> we're told that people would not have the right to defend their property and their family. >> another that's definitely two. >> that democracy is at stake somehow if government decides there should be a background check. >> all right, three. >> we're about to be invaded by the indonesians. >> that's completely different. no one in america is afraid of indonesians. are they afraid of mexicans and muslims coming? maybe,. sure, he claims australians were angry, but where is the proof? >> people's rights are being taken away from them. >> i'm not going to give up any guns. are you going to give yours up? >> no! >> okay, there is it is.
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but how did the angry conservatives feel now? >> my immediate reaction was that it was an ivory action but as time went on, the regulations were quite manageable. >> hold on, you didn't want to give up your high-powered gun? >> no, but-- i felt as if i had a bit of a duty to the rest of society. >> and if you think that sounds bat ( bleep ) crazy, this effective gun control was enacted by conservative politicianpoliticians against tf their own base. our politicians are different. thane that-- >> gun control doesn't work. >> or even if it does-- >> it takes a long time. >> and to be fair. >> john howard and his deputy prime minister tim fisher have had since 1996 to enact their sweeping reforms. >> it look less than three and a half months. >> what? what? ! >> the massacre was on the 28th of april in 1996.
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in a 12-week period shortly following that, the bulk of the legislation was devised, drafted, debated, and implemented. >> but it doesn't work. >> there are no massacres since 1996. >> you keep saying that, but it doesn't work. my head was spinning. i had to clear it the traditional aussie way. not that way, a walk-about. >> the second amendment is sacrosanct. >> political suicide. >> from my cold, dead hands. >> what the ( bleep )?
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after three days in the bush with a guy there a kangaroo suit it became clear what the real issue with gun control in america is. >> if guns aren't the problem, fill, what is the problem? >> people. >> people are the problem? >> yes. >> you know what? after spending great amount of time with you, phillip, i'm starting to believe that that's partially true. ( cheers and applause ) >> i'm glad you understand that people are the problem. >> that is becoming just painfully obvious. after investigating the issue on opposite sides of the earth, i discovered that if americans really do want gun control, there is actually one thing they can do to get it. move to australia. ♪ you come from the land downunder ♪ ( cheers and applause ). >> jon: jon oliver. e righ be righ >> jon: welcome .
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my guest tonight is dean of the johns hopkins school of advanced international studies. he is also a bestselling author whose new book is called "the dispensable nation." please welcome back to the program, vali nasr. ( cheers and applause ) thank you for being here. >> thank you for inviting me. >> the book is called the
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dispensable nation: american foreign policy in retreat. is that bad, is that we are-- because, if i order recall, whee were on offense, we made a-- i don't know, obviously, i'm not an international relations-- ( bleep ). we made a-- it was bad, it was bad. is retreat bad for america? >> well, too much offense wasn't good. too much defense is also not good. there are too many problems out there, and we have to address them, and we have to do this in the right way. >> jon: where would you like to see us right now being more active? >> i think in the middle east, largely because many things happening there have great deal of impact on us, on our economy, on our security. and there's also the future of that region is right now being written in places like egypt and syria. >> jon: right. >> and without american
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leadership in the sense of giving some kind of guidance to countries in the region, taking a certain stance, things are not going to move in the right direction. >> jon: right. >> ultimately, we will end up having to get involved and fix it at some point, except it's going to cost us a lot more. >> jon: but isn't that what gets us into trouble-- isn't the right direction self-determination? and egypt has begun this road to self-determination. maybe we're not crazy about who they elected, and maybe right now they're not so crazy about it, either, but isn't that part of that freedom spreading process? ( laughter ) i mean, wasn't that the goal, to do that without us invading? >> well, invasion was definitely wrong. it's wrong for america to lead its foreign policy with its military. that, clearly, we should learn a lesson and not do that again. then there are also, if you look at every other freedom.
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-- every other democratization around the world, america has had a very big role in it. not with its military, but with its engagement, and economic assistance, and getting the rest of the world together in order to help at a critical moment. >> jon: in libya, i guess we got together with nato and bombed around the area. i don't-- ( laughter ) i'm not exactly sure what we did, but we certainly bombed in kind of a, i guess you call it a serpentine kind of pattern. >> that's right. >> jon: that was good but flonow there's a big problem wih what we feel are radicals taking over that area. if you interfere, doesn't that create resent independent that area? >> that's because we only interfere all the time militarily. in thaty sentence sense we haven't changed at all. >> jon: don't we give them economic aid? >> that's mostly for the military. if you compare what we did for poland or argentina or-- all of
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these areas that became democratic, we were engaged to help them reform their economies. we were engaged with civil societies. we didn't just bomb and kick the dictator out. >> jon: but we're afraid of them. that's when we build the embassies -- the exwaess over there are big targets are, they not? >> they are, but this gets into bigger trouble. you can't ignore a region of 300 million people which sits right next door to europe who can send terrorists all the way to america. ultimately, we'll have to do something about it. look the syria. we've been saying we don't want to get involved. we don't want to get involved. and for good reason. but the place is gradually following into the hands of extremists. two to three million of the population would have left the country by the end of the year as refugees. at the end, we cannot ignore syria beyond a point. we'll have to get involved. but by then it's going to be a lot more expensive. the problem is we're only going
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to do it militarily, and that's not a good idea. people around the world, particularly naregion, have to see us be engaged. >> jon: is that even realistic any more? do we even have that kind of soft power? >> i think we do. we owe it to ourselveses to try soft expowr not all the time try military power. >> jon: i'm with you on that one. >> we went with a $100 billion a year foot print in the country trying to build a switzerland in the middle of the himalaya mountains and it was all military and we failed at it. it would have been better to try what we've done in the balkans and other parts of the world to use our global influence to get people together to see whether it's possible to arrive at a deal and then get the international community to support that. that's what has made american leadership important around the world. when people used to talk about an indispensable nation, they were not talking about an
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invaigd, occupying force. they were talking about a country which had a vision and had the ability to get everybody together and was the only country that could get people to find peaceful, economic, diplomatic, ways of solving -- >> but always backed up with a big stick. the takeaway of this is less bombing, less invading, less punishment, more nicer. ( laughter ). >> that's right. the big stick is good -- >> speak softly, and then we'll have a conversation. ( laughter ). >> try, try. >> jon: very interesting. "the dispensable nation." it's on the bookshelves
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captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh >> jon: that's our show. wait, wait, wait. remember earlier in the program we saw the great al madrigal. and i bet you were thinking i like the cut of that man's jib. i'd like to see m


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